Sorry I've been at my Folks house for the past couple weeks. Anyway I've been reading my past journals and i found this entry and it hit me hard:
I'm so stupid. I can't believe i let them get my hopes up again just to crash them down that's like the 6th time since i started trying to make me happy and forget about what they want. I'm just going to go back to my old self the one that forgot about them and made everyone else happy they didn't get crushed. I should have listened to K* and never told them i wanted to go to boarding school because i ended up finding one that's perfect getting my hopes up, crushed, up, crushed, up, crushed. Well guess what? I'm done. I give up. This pleasing yourself stuff doesn't work when you're thirteen and just starting. No more boarding school, no more hopes, no more asking, no more trying to find me it's done, there isn't a me. I have to get over it. Out of my mind forever.
I can't believe i forgot about that time. I can't believe i forgot the day that i lost myself. Have i gained myself back? Have i found me again? Do i believe that there is a me? Maybe those are the questions i should have been asking P* instead of just: Why am i so angry? Why does everybody do this to me?
The real question is: Why do i let them do this to me? Why have i always let them do this to me? Why do i do this to me?
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